Vol. XXXIX May 1, 2007 No 5
IF YOU ARE ANGRY
by Tom McLemore
Recently, our Bible class had a discussion on Matthew 5:21, 22 which led me to consider that all of us are subject to similar tests, temptations, and difficulties when it comes to interactions with other human beings. That may be why, in his first section of teaching about behavior in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addresses the issue of anger.
In this passage, Jesus taught, “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire.”
The Devil Loves for People to Be Angry
The evil one would love nothing better that to keep us flying off the handle with anger and the insults that so closely follow. His character is well-known, but sometimes we forget about it until after his vile handiwork has emerged in our own behavior.
Jesus told those who were being greatly influenced by the devil, “You are from your father the devil, and you choose to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,” said Jesus (John 10:10), and we recognize that the thief he was referring to is Satan.
Anger Itself Not a Sin
There is anger that is entirely appropriate, and it is usually termed “righteous indignation.” In such a case one is angry because of injustice. Jesus was angry without being guilty of sin (1 Peter 2:22), such as when he cleansed the temple, and when people’s hearts were hard (as in Mark 3:5). Thus we may recognize that anger is not a sin in and of itself (see Ephesians 4:26).
It is worth noting that Jesus did not retaliate when injustice was done to him. While we are not told about the emotions he felt at the time, we know that “[w]hen he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Rather, he exhibited only love, mercy, and kindness in response. Though it may be right in some cases to be angry, and while we may not be able to avoid getting angry when injustice is done to us, vengeance is not an option for the Christian (Romans 12:19, etc.). In fact, the Christian must seek to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21), and in doing so, one is striving to be like the Lord Jesus.
Frequently, Christians are legalistic in their approach to this matter. They may think, “Well, as long as I do not call anyone ‘Fool,’ I am not guilty of sin. I can call them anything else under the sun, and as long as I don’t say the words ‘You fool,’ I am all right.”
But recall that Paul spoke generally of all “abusive language” (Colossians 3:8). If we will consider Jesus’ teaching very carefully, we can see that he was not trying to limit sin to particular terms of abuse, but he referred to all insulting language. Furthermore, he was trying to get to the root cause, viz., the malice that develops in the heart and leads to the insulting language and violent action.
Check Anger Immediately
In Matthew 5:21, 22, Jesus tries to help disciples realize that the violence in word and deed of which we are often guilty has its origin in anger. In Mark 7:18-23, Jesus elaborated on this concept: “He said to them, ‘Then do you also fail to understand? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes out into the sewer?’ (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, ‘It is what comes out of a person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.’”
Thus, if we can check anger when it arises, we can be saved from many a problem (see Matthew 5:21-26). For one thing, we can avoid saying and doing those things resulting from anger that are harmful to others. In addition, if a brother or sister has something against us, we may deliver ourselves from his or her anger (and the displeasure of God with the situation which makes our worship unacceptable) by seeking reconciliation. Furthermore, if in a timely fashion we can make peace with those who are justifiably angry with us, we may forestall their taking drastic action against us. Jesus calls upon us to be urgent about dealing with anger of any kind.
Paul reinforced these ideas in Ephesians 4:26: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” And while we can appreciate the fact that it is possible to be angry without sinning, we should not view this as an invitation to be getting angry every time we turn around. In several passages, we are urged to rid ourselves completely of anger and things associated with it. “Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice...” (Ephesians 4:31). “But now you must get rid of all such things-anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth” (Colossians 3:8). “Rid yourselves, therefore, of all malice, and all guile, insincerity, envy, and all slander” (1 Peter 2:1). And then there is that great admonition by James: “You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness” (James 1:19, 20).
Developing Happier Relationships by
Dealing with Anger Responsibly
I am persuaded that one of the reasons people say insulting, abusive things is because we are not trained in appropriate ways of communicating how we feel. It may be that many of us are simply following the script that was acted out before us by significant others when we were growing up. Typically, we respond to hurtful behavior by saying hurtful, negative things about the person who has done the harm. This is only returning hurt for hurt, and it has potential to do further damage to the relationship.
It is better for one to make a statement about the behavior itself and the feeling(s) that the behavior produces. This can be very productive in developing happier relationships. For instance, if a wife tells her husband that when he does such and such, she feels a particular emotion, then her husband can use that information to improve his behavior. If he cares about his wife and her feelings, then he will respond accordingly. On the other hand, even when it is acknowledged that the husband’s behavior is not good, if the wife calls her husband some name or describes him with some insulting language, he will be hurt. What is worse, it is very unlikely that he will change his behavior. The same thing would apply to any other type of interpersonal relationship.
Children Often Harmed Most Seriously
I suppose that when we consider this teaching, we mostly think about our relations with other adults. But what about the children? All parents, especially parents with children in the formative years, would do well to examine how they express to their children the anger, disappointment, or displeasure they feel toward them.
It may be typical for parents to respond by saying hurtful, negative things about the child whose behavior has angered, displeased, or disappointed them. Parents have been known to tell their children such things as, “You are a bad boy/girl, etc.” It is not the child that is bad, but the behavior of the child. If parents continually call their children names and put them down, the children will likely become what they are called and will behave as they have been described (“self-fulfilling prophecies”).
The desired approach concentrates on the behavior and the principles of right and wrong that are involved, rather than attacking the person. Compare the idea of “hate the sin but love the sinner.” This may be at least part of what Paul had in mind in two familiar passages pertaining to the emotional effect of certain approaches to rearing children: “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). “Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart” (Colossians 3:21). Furthermore, parents would do well to examine the relationship of anger to the manner in which they punish their children. The Bible teaches the propriety and necessity of punishment of disobedience (e.g., Hebrews 12:7-11). Yet, if punishment is inflicted as an expression of anger, it may produce anger in the child, as well as a feeling of not being loved.
Manage Anger before It Arises
With anger, as with every temptation or test, remember that “[n]o testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Let us pray to God for strength and help in time of need.
Also, as with any emotion, it is difficult to improve our approach to handling anger when we are feeling it. We must prepare ahead of time. So, before we get angry next time, if we can strive to deepen our grasp of the principles Jesus teaches us, we might be better prepared to respond to it responsibly and righteously when it occurs. O Lord, deliver us from evil.
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